The Protective Voice
Once you step into the world, one question becomes unavoidable: How do you stay open without becoming exposed?
Anyone who enters public discourse, whether through writing, speaking, or leading, takes a risk. You have no idea who’s watching. Out there are people with malicious intentions, people who will misunderstand your message, and people waiting for the opportunity to criticize.
How do we protect ourselves?
This is what this letter is about. It´s the third pillar of the Fluid Voice: The Protective Voice. The one who protects their center with clarity and humanity
A Quick Reminder: What Is the Fluid Voice?
The Fluid Voice is built on deeply human skills we all have access to. Think of it as an archetype: a symbolic figure embodying the facets of a grounded, conscious, and connected human being.
It answers a question we’ve been feeling long before we could speak it:
How do I stay human and speak wisely in a world like this?
(For more context, see the introduction to this series.)
The Voice Is Materializing
The Fluid Voice is moving from abstract to concrete. They’ve cultivated their Inner Voice, now more aware of who’s in their driver’s seat. They’ve awakened their Embodied Voice through breathwork.
Slowly, they are getting ready to face the world.
And once you step into the world, one question becomes unavoidable: How do you stay open without becoming exposed?
The World Is Waiting
Today’s world can be a scary place. It’s divided and filled with disconnected people who seem to have lost empathy for each other. The public square echoes with polarized voices.
How do we enter public discourse without getting burned? When someone might take offense at what you say, even when you have the best intentions?
I don’t think we have a choice. We need wiser voices out there.
So we step in because our voice demands it. The message we carry outweighs the fear.
On Fear
Being criticized was one of my biggest fears when I started posting on social media in 2023. I had witnessed how others were treated online. It scared me. I didn’t want to be in their shoes for one minute.
Every time I hit “post,” I felt it in my stomach.
That drop.
That sharp question: What have I just done?
And I asked myself:
“Will they misunderstand me?”
“Will they twist my words?”
“Will they ridicule me?”
Back then, I wish I’d known how to protect myself. It would have been easier to express myself, knowing there were strategies, ways to identify the type of criticism. And what to do about it.
A well-rounded voice doesn’t only consider inner matters. A public voice needs tools to handle other voices, too. We’re not speaking into a void. We’re directing ourselves out to the world, a place we can’t control.
What we can control is our response.
The Untouchable Center
Criticism lands differently when it’s personal. Group criticism disperses across many; individual criticism can feel like an assault on something sacred.
A vulnerable, soft spot.
But here’s what you need to know:
There is a part of you that cannot be harmed.
Call it dignity, humanity, or your untouchable center. Even at our most broken, something remains protected. Criticism cannot reach that place. That doesn’t mean criticism doesn’t hurt. It means it doesn’t get the final word.
So when judgment arrives, you pause. You create space between who you are and what was said. When ready, you return to the words.
Because you are not the criticism.
This untouchable center is not something you build; it’s something you remember. A bit like The Embodied Voice, it´s already in us. It existed before anyone ever judged you, and it will exist after.
When you respond from this place, you’re unshakeable. When you forget it exists, criticism becomes unbearable.
Your job is not to defend this center. Your job is to remember it’s there.
The Violinist’s Dog
During my voice studies in classical singing, we once had a master class with a violinist. He talked about criticism after performing—how sensitive that is for an artist who’s prepared extensively.
It had happened to him after a concert. Someone criticized his performance. He felt awful. Not worthy anymore.
But when he returned home, his dog welcomed him—tail wagging, as always, happy to see him. A couple of minutes before, a neighbor had greeted him. They’d spoken about different things. The violinist felt the neighbor’s appreciation. Still there.
The negative criticism hadn’t changed him. Not his core. Not his being.
It was intact. Worthy.
That’s what the untouchable center is.
Unbreakable.
The dog didn’t know about the criticism. The neighbor didn’t care about it. And somewhere beneath the violinist’s pain, a part of him remained unchanged—the part that existed before the concert, before the critic’s words, before any of it.
That’s the part you protect. That’s the part you remember.
Different Types of Criticism
Not all criticism is the same. There are misunderstandings and misinterpretations. Unfair labelings, being assigned an identity that doesn’t fit. Hostile attacks. Valid feedback.
When we pause, we can begin to identify what the criticism is made of.
It could be an insult.
It could be a misunderstanding.
It could be a gift.
Depending on what type you’re dealing with, you handle it differently.
Three Practices to Begin
Here are three simple exercises to start building your boundary skills:
Boundaries aren’t built in theory. They’re built in moments, especially uncomfortable ones.
Practice 1: The 60-Second Diagnosis
When someone criticizes you, don’t respond immediately. Instead, take 60 seconds and ask yourself:
Identify the type:
Is this a misunderstanding, or a personal attack?
Is it specific to my idea, or about my character?
Is it coming from one person, or many?
Check your body:
Is my heart racing? (Sign: you’re in fight-or-flight)
Do I feel a softening? (Sign: there might be truth here)
Am I feeling shame even though I didn’t violate my values? (Sign: projection)
Outcome:
Would responding clarify or escalate?
Is this person open to dialogue or performing for an audience?
Write down your answers. This simple pause creates space between the criticism and your response.
Practice 2: Return to Your Untouchable Center
This is a somatic practice. You can do it anytime criticism triggers you.
Step 1: Breathe slowly. In for four counts, out for six.
Step 2: As you breathe, silently repeat: “I am not the criticism. There is a part of me that cannot be harmed.”
Step 3: When you feel more grounded, ask yourself: “What does my center want me to know right now?”
Listen. The answer won’t always be words. Sometimes it’s a feeling. A knowing. A quiet yes or no.
This practice reconnects you to the part of you that remains untouched, no matter what anyone says.
Practice 3: The Wise Response Protocol
Before you respond to any criticism, run through this checklist:
Green Lights (Consider responding if):
☐ I feel grounded, not reactive
☐ The criticism is specific and substantive
☐ It addresses my idea, not my identity
☐ Responding would clarify, not convince
☐ I can respond without compromising my integrity
Red Flags (Don’t respond if):
☐ My nervous system is activated (racing heart, tight chest)
☐ I want to “win” or prove something
☐ The comment is clearly bad faith or a personal attack
☐ I’m explaining myself for the third time
☐ Responding would drain the energy I need elsewhere
If green lights outnumber red flags: Craft a brief, clear response that restates your position without defensiveness.
For example:
You posted about prioritizing mental health in leadership. Someone comments: “So you’re saying leaders should coddle their teams and lower standards?”
Poor response (defensive): “That’s not what I said at all! If you actually read my post carefully, you’d see I’m talking about sustainable performance, not lowering standards. This is exactly the problem with social media—people don’t read before commenting.”
Strong response (clear, non-defensive): “I can see how it might read that way. To clarify: I’m advocating for sustainable high performance, not lower standards. Mental health and excellence aren’t opposites—they support each other. Happy to discuss further if you’re curious about the research.”
The difference:
No attack on the commenter
Acknowledges their interpretation without accepting it
Restates the position clearly
Leaves the door open without requiring continued engagement
If red flags dominate: Close the tab. Walk away. Protect your energy.
Remember:
Silence is not surrender.
Silence is sovereignty.
Closing Thought
Boundaries are not walls. They’re not about shutting people out or refusing to listen.
Boundaries are about knowing where you end and the criticism begins.
They’re about protecting your voice so it can remain clear, calm, and human in a world that desperately needs calm, clear humans.
Your voice is not fragile.
But it is precious.
Treat it accordingly.
Next in this series: The Kinship Voice
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The idea of an untouchable center offers a steady anchor for anyone engaging publicly. Separating identity from critique creates space to respond with discernment instead of defense.